Chicken wines, smoking cats and cycling bears

Animals on wine labels and why we’re likely to see more of them.

I’m not a great artist but one thing I have definitely mastered is the smoking cat (see illustration below). My wife thinks I should trademark it as ‘le chat qui fume’ for my upcoming range of wines. The only possible fly in the ointment would be the reaction of those spoilsports over at the Portman Group who take a dim view of any alcoholic drink labels that could possibly appeal to children.

In 2019 the Portman Group received a complaint about Unicorn Tears Gin Liqueur stating:

“The attached gin liqueur beverages are on sale in John Lewis at Home (Newbury). The images appeal to children and they are on a low display stand – i.e. at child level. I believe they are in breach of the code”

Perhaps the complainant didn’t realise that we have very clear laws about under 18s buying alcohol. You can read about the entire ridiculous process here. In the end the producer agreed to change the packaging to make it less child-friendly.

Also while we are here, what about those whisky websites that ask you for ‘ID’? As if some child is going to go on a bender after reading about Macallan’s latest £20,000 whisky. Or that some whisky curious teenager couldn’t work out how to get past the age verification thing. In the words of Alan Partridge: this country!

Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Animals on wine labels! My point is that there are reasons people are wary of them, you might upset John Lewis in Newbury woman. Nevertheless I am determined to get my smoking cat out there because animal wines sell.

This is because they are memorable when most, especially French ones, are not. I’m quite keen on wine but I still have huge problems remembering the name of Burgundy producers especially as many of them have almost identical names like Bouchard Père et Fils vs Bouchard Aîné & Fils. People joke about life being too short to understand German wine labels but really French ones are no simpler - they just sound nicer when whispered in bed. Apparently. No matter how many educators on Instagram explain the crus of Beaujoalis people are just going to go with Fleurie because it’s memorable and easy to say. Unlike Régnié.

In my wine merchant days, customers would come in and go through all kinds of contortions trying to explain the wine they wanted. You know Chateau-something, the one with the white label, I think it’s red. They didn’t have a problem with Wild Pig, no wonder it was our bestselling wine. Part of the reason for the success of wines like Blue Nun, Black Tower and Mateus Rose is that they stood out and were easy to remember.

Rather like ‘the chicken wine’ which has become something of a cult these days so much so that the producer has even rebranded it after its nickname.